I think people do create their soulmates - or, make their lover their soulmate - by being willing to accept that person, communicating openly to make the relationship function well, and adjusting their goals in life to include that person. Basically, both people choosing to love their partner as their soulmate kind of makes them such.
But you also have to find someone who is in a place where they will let you into their life in that way.
For myself, I don't think Rich was my soulmate when we first met. We were in high school, he was going off to college soon, I was still very much a kid...
A few years later, we started dating, and now I definitely consider him my soulmate.
Definitely. I think it's so impossible to meet someone, and at first glance, have them be everything you want or need in a partner. The decision to stay, the continued choice to keep working through the difficult times, and the building of the relationship together: that's what makes something strong. There are certain ineffable qualities that it's helpful if the person possesses: obviously, some degree of attraction and charm must be present.
That being said, there's always that comic: (http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/commitment.png)
See, but that's the thing. I think that maybe you can't "find" your soulmate. You get together with someone, you get to know them, to love them, and over time they *become* your soulmate.
i don't believe in the traditional visions of soulmates. that being said, i believe there are people who are a parts of me in others. like, z for example. she drives me CRAZY. but i can't imagine my life without her. etc.
I think you do find a soulmate. Though it takes time to recognize someone as such.
To me at least, there is a distinct difference between the idea of finding a soulmate (which I believe in) and love at first sight (which I do not - lust at first sight - yes, love no).
I'm curious as to how you'd define the difference. Is there a process of discovery for finding the soulmate? Would that be the same thing as a relationship?
This brings up an interesting point regarding destiny. My current thought is that people become soulmates over time by being together, loving one another, sticking by each other's sides no matter what, etc.
What you think is that people are born soulmates and have to find one another, but may take that time of being together to simply realize that they are soulmates, yes? Did I get that right?
Soulmates are like Slayers. There are lots of potentials, but only one gets chosen -- well, at least until another one comes along. And only if you want to play by the rules that someone set up a really long time ago.
(I think I just accidentally turned the series finale of Buffy into a pro-polygamy argument. Oh, brain.)
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2009-12-02 07:14 pm (UTC)I think people do create their soulmates - or, make their lover their soulmate - by being willing to accept that person, communicating openly to make the relationship function well, and adjusting their goals in life to include that person. Basically, both people choosing to love their partner as their soulmate kind of makes them such.
But you also have to find someone who is in a place where they will let you into their life in that way.
So. A little of both.
This wasn't very coherent at all. Huh.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 07:22 pm (UTC)For myself, I don't think Rich was my soulmate when we first met. We were in high school, he was going off to college soon, I was still very much a kid...
A few years later, we started dating, and now I definitely consider him my soulmate.
That's an extremely shortened version, of course.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-03 04:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 07:14 pm (UTC)There are certain ineffable qualities that it's helpful if the person possesses: obviously, some degree of attraction and charm must be present.
That being said, there's always that comic: (http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/commitment.png)
no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 07:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 07:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-03 02:27 am (UTC)J.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-03 05:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 07:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 07:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 07:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 08:27 pm (UTC)To me at least, there is a distinct difference between the idea of finding a soulmate (which I believe in) and love at first sight (which I do not - lust at first sight - yes, love no).
no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 09:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-03 04:05 pm (UTC)What you think is that people are born soulmates and have to find one another, but may take that time of being together to simply realize that they are soulmates, yes? Did I get that right?
no subject
Date: 2009-12-02 10:06 pm (UTC)(I think I just accidentally turned the series finale of Buffy into a pro-polygamy argument. Oh, brain.)
no subject
Date: 2009-12-03 05:03 am (UTC)I'd love to take a class on Life lessons as taught by Buffy. :)
no subject
Date: 2009-12-03 03:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-03 04:06 pm (UTC)I haven't watched Buffy, so I'm not quite certain of the comparison you're trying to make.